#03 Sexy Boomer Show with David Ossman
Phil Proctor: [00:00:00] Hello .
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:00] Well, we're on bunker to bunker.
Phil Proctor: [00:00:03] It's a brave new world and I'm not feeling very brave in it.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:06] Alright, everybody good?
Phil Proctor: [00:00:08] Well, I'm very glad you asked the question.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:14] All right. All right, terrific. Well, let's start.
A E Guy: [00:00:17] Welcome to Phil and Ted's Sexy Boomer Show with your hosts, Phil Proctor and Ted Bonniitt. Phil and and Ted's guest today is Phil's fellow Firesgin Theatre legend David Ossman, and now your sexy boomer hosts Phil Proctor and Ted Bonniitt.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:37] Welcome to Phil and Ted's Sexy Boomer Show . Special edition bunker to bunker. Hi Phil.
Phil Proctor: [00:00:43] Hi. We're all hunkering and our bunkering.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:46] How you feeling?
Phil Proctor: [00:00:47] I'm feeling fine, but I'm, I'm facing a decision today.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:00:51] What's that?
Phil Proctor: [00:00:51] U h, which is to go with my darling wife, Melinda, to a, uh, workout session with our trainer at our private . Uh, a gym. It's not even a gym, a private session place or whatever it is.
And the way that they're, they're doing it now. Is that a trainer? Uh, and, and a. Customer or two customers go in one at a time, workout and then leave, and everything is wiped down between, you know, a usage. And I'm debating whether I should do it or not today.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:01:29] Well, you know, you're both at risk. And I don't know.
Phil Proctor: [00:01:33] Yeah. About how much it risks. See, that's the thing.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:01:35] Well, let's, let's introduce David.
Phil Proctor: [00:01:38] Who's David?
David Ossman: [00:01:38] Yeah, who is that guy?
Ted Bonnitt: [00:01:39] Our very, very special guest today is David Ossman. Another member of the Firesign theater.
David Ossman: [00:01:46] Survivor, I think is the word.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:01:48] Yes. How's your bunker, David?
David Ossman: [00:01:51] Uh, Ted, our bunker is beautiful. We couldn't go home. We came to back to Whidbey Island, uh, from Kansas city, and we came via, uh, uh, Uber ferry boat. I mean, everything. So we've been a confined in our little, uh, wonderful, uh, friend's cabin for a couple of weeks, and we probably have a little longer here. Uh, uh, my son Preston and his girlfriend, Allie, uh, are occupying our house and because they had just come back from, uh, New York and Mexico city. They had to get past their two weeks of confinement. So we've been, uh, uh, passing things with gloves and, uh, and sanitizers and that UV light. We sprayer, we've got everything with UV light, and we're. Quite actually quite comfortable. But we miss our cat and we miss our home and we miss our deck and miss our clothes. Cause we're here with what we were here with what we took to Kansas city. And, uh, so then we get back from, we get back from Kansas city. And here we are in isolation
Phil Proctor: [00:03:05] And your not in Kansas anymore.
David Ossman: [00:03:06] Not definitely not in Missouri anymore either. And you leave from Kansas when you leave from Kansas city. Oh, they remember us from the Cowtown ballroom, man.
Phil Proctor: [00:03:19] Yeah. We performed in this great venue,
David Ossman: [00:03:23] Classic Midwest rock and roll venue. Cowtown. Yeah. That was, that was a, that was a great gig. Anyway, um, we came back and we took a look at everything around us, and suddenly the expression began to appear on. Uh, on, uh, on the web beat the Reaper. We thought beat the Reaper.
Everybody can use that. Stay at home, beat the Reaper. And so we thought, Oh, we'll do a bumper sticker. We'll do a thing with that. So our friend max, Kodinikos, who's a really fine artist for us, we said, well, why don't we commission this artist to do us a, uh, a Reaper, a something to make this happen.
Yeah, Reaper logo, and, uh, and he did very quickly do it. And, uh, uh, we sent it to you and you said, Ooh, that's really scary. Two versions of it. One with a Corona virus, bozo nose.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:04:23] I liked that. I just saw that today. That was a perfect touch.
David Ossman: [00:04:27] Well, you know, we wouldn't have done it without my lifelong collaborator, mr Phil Proctor on the other edge. If he hadn't said put a nose on it. I was on it when they put a nose on it.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:04:40] To explain, what are we referencing? When you're saying beat the Reaper, where does it come from?
David Ossman: [00:04:44] It comes from our very first album, from a Waiting for the Electrician, which puts, uh, the character, p, through who arrives in a in a place and has his loses his passport and gets passed through one terrible experience after another, after another after another, and finally ends up on a television show called, Beat the Reaper!
Firesign Theatre: [00:05:10] Patient successfully survived the common cold measles pneumonia, then give fever and the yard. Now the big question. Are you ready to go up where he's ready.
This nurse Judy, is wheeling our patient into the isolation ward. Can you hear me in there? Okay, let's shoot him up now. Patient, you have 10 seconds to tell us what you got. And beat the reaper.
Turning yellow. My God, I got John
and now you've reached the final threshold. Here's the question. Are you ready for a symptom number seven longer than any patient has ever survived before? I want to go home. Oh, only one way to do that. Doctor. Bring in the super shot. Now for the first time on beat the Reaper, we're going for the big disease.
The icebox is being unlocked by the president of the Armenian medical association under whose strict supervision these toxins are being administered. Uh. This is it doctor, give him that really big disease. Now a patient, can you hear me. You've got 10 seconds to tell us what you got and for the last time, beat the reaper it is.
Four. I'm terribly sorry. That's not correct. You didn't beat the Reaper. Doctor, bring the patient out and show the amphitheater audience and all the folks at home, just what he's contracted according to my careful prosthesis. This man has. The plague. Thank you, doctor. You're welcome. You've got the plague.
David Ossman: [00:07:50] Everybody wants the plague
Now listen..
Phil Proctor: [00:07:56] Yeah. The erection. The election.
David Ossman: [00:08:00] The upcoming erection.
Phil Proctor: [00:08:03] Yes. Yes. Uh huh. Talk about your, uh, line of, uh, bumper stickers and tee shirts and other items, which are directly related to the not-insane campaign that originated originally many years ago, but that you have updated for the modern times .
David Ossman: [00:08:24] Right? Well, not insane. First appeared in 1972 and then it became an election slogan during campaign 76, uh, which was this giant cross country thing. That Tirebiter ran for vice president.
Phil Proctor: [00:08:41] George Tirebiter is still around. Isn't he old George is
David Ossman: [00:08:44] George. Yes, but he's not running anymore. He's slowed down, but
Ted Bonnitt: [00:08:48] He's walking?
Phil Proctor: [00:08:49] He's walking. He's limping.
David Ossman: [00:08:50] So, so a year ago, just about a year ago, uh, we, we updated this to not insane, 2020, and, and used it as the name of a fundraiser for one of the major local, uh, charitable organizations. Uh, and you either liked it or you didn't, you know, I, but that's what it was. And we made $4,000 for hearts and hammers.
And that was, they are people who go and repair your house or your deck or your roof or whatever. It is very important there. They have contributed all of their money this year to the, uh, good cheer food bank. Wonderful. Which is feeding a lot of people here. So we held onto the non-insane 2020 idea and felt that we could, if we had bumper stickers, that would, you know, that would just not advertise anybody for president.
Just be not insane about the whole,
Phil Proctor: [00:09:52] I've been promoting this in a Planet Proctor by printing copies of what you can get of the not insane and also maniac . Tell me about the maniac line.
David Ossman: [00:10:04] Well, maniac was make America not insane again, campaign. And this actually came to Judith as we were going, you know, we sit across the table and talk about one of her business.
We got going and she said, look, and she was, she was writing this down. This says, make America not in st Louis. Oh, look, it spells maniac is said, Oh, that's great. That's crazy. That's just crazy. And so, you know, just to play around and have fun with all of this.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:10:38] David, we first met, uh, in 1976 while I was working at a radio station in New York, WRNW and, uh, we became the official campaign station for your election in 1976 and not insane.
Yep. And I'm wondering now, after all these years, not insane. In this election year in 2020 couldn't be more prescient, like beat the Reaper. It's amazing how the Firesign called it.
David Ossman: [00:11:04] Well, you know, these, these words, these phrases have really entered the language now. That's true. And it is, you know, after 50 years, which electrician came out 52 years ago.
Uh, these phrases which we created in a bottle of pot smoke and good cheer . And I love that brand new man. And, uh, you know, we're a futurist is the right word. Yeah.
Phil Proctor: [00:11:39] When we wrote together a Dave, this is Phil Austin and Peter Bergman, who are unfortunately no longer with us, although I'm sure they're laughing at us somewhere.
Uh, the four of us were the Fioresign Theatre We were all fire signs for people who don't know who we are. Uh, you can visit our website, firesigntheater.com. Find out more about us. You can hear our work 24 seven on, uh. Uh, online.
David Ossman: [00:12:07] And then there's a new collection fighting clowns of Hollywood, which is available from band camp.
And it is another eight hours or so of our middle period of 79, 80, 81. There are huge Roxy shows, uh, fi fighting clowns. The musical, I mean, we were at, we were extraordinary during those three or four years going into the eighties. Gosh, we were all, we were so busy and so creative and, and we were really working tightly together, feeding off of one another, like old jazz musicians.
And we, we had a lot of training on the radio, sitting around a table, playing together, you know, making one another laugh. With an audience usually sitting on the floor around us and, and it, it really, it, it's sharpened us to such a point that it was very easy for us to write together to put things up on their feet, to costume them, to, you know, perform them.
And, uh, and it was a tremendously creative time for all of us.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:13:16] That's when Ben Bland first came on the stage all day matinee on, on TV. Yeah. But Ben had a drinking problem, but he sure knew how to, uh, find these great old movies.
Firesign Theatre: [00:13:36] They're dropping. Whistles really dangerous. It's really serious.
The Colonel said we're going to have to take that whistle before Dawn. Oh, here it comes in another fry and bacon. Oh, is that one hell of a movie? Well, this has been bland. And you're watching making Ryan on the whistle front with shed a Sid Sheree Caesar and Kelly Lang on Ben bland all day matinee. Okay. And let's see here.
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Ted Bonnitt: [00:15:55] How is Ben?
David Ossman: [00:15:56] Oh, Ben. Ben was created one night when we had to record something for this interim album, just folks, which was made up actually a pieces from an old radio programs and so and so. We gave it a continuity by pretending that we were in the control room of 60 minutes. And so you, you heard everything from roll tape.
To, you know, to the theme of the music and then going to the, as if we were listening from the control room, it was a really cute idea. Uh, and, and on the flip side of the record, Ben appears. And, uh, and with him, I have to record this. And Proctor comes in. With a bottle of something. I think it was El Presidente Brandy, and is it okay?
Okay. Right. I'll do this. I'll do this drunk. We'll just get him drunk and see what happens. And that is what that was. That recording session was very funny. That was the original, uh, Ben and then Ben appeared on stage, um, doing the all day matinee.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:17:02] I remember Ben's sponsor was a tutor, nightmare village where the armed mice protecting you. Was that all part of a drunken...
David Ossman: [00:17:11] I don't remember.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:17:15] It's sure sounded very tight,
Phil Proctor: [00:17:18] well, David is a method actor and there's a method to his madness or a madness to his method. I'm sure.
David Ossman: [00:17:27] I think that was the only time that we ever resorted to alcohol to improve a performance. That was once was enough.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:17:34] I think it worked. Yeah.
David Ossman: [00:17:36] Ben always carried around a coffee cup. Um. When he was on, he would sip his coffee and you know, he was based on Ben, what's his name? Bree. He was based completely on an LA guy who was like on channel 11,12 and 13 you know, all night. It's exactly where Phil. Phil got a Ralph Paul sport.
Yeah. In those old days when there were only seven stations or whatever it was.
Phil Proctor: [00:18:03] That's right. And usually only watch three of them, you know, and th the three main ones, CBS, ABC, and NBC.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:18:11] You know, I just listened to a, uh, on YouTube for some research on another podcast about the SLA and, uh, and the. The ultimate showdown in Los Angeles with the shootout, which was the first emergence of a SWAT team, and it was the first time mini cam television technology was employed and used nationally.
So the attack on that house in South central that had the SLA members in it was broadcast live nationwide for the first time, I remember very well. But on YouTube you can see what is essentially. 30 to 40 minute a piece of ABC, the local ABC affiliates coverage a newscast with all the commercials from 1974 it's a time capsule.
It is remarkable to see what those newscasters were wearing, let alone saying, and it's just. You know, it's really amazing. YouTube has become this time capsule, this alternate reality where you transcends time and space and you can really go see anything. I went to see an obscure show at a club called Max's Kansas city in 1976.
Phil Proctor: [00:19:19] I know Peter and I did. Yeah, you did know the fireside. Did I saw you at the bottom line back in that, during those days to the bitter end in the bottom line or the bitter line and the bottom end, I can't even remember it.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:19:30] I went on the tip of my roommate who was the booker at Max's, said that David Bowie was showing up to see some new band and he was going to go with David Byrne.
So I went down to see what was up and uh, it was a hot night. All I knew was some band out of Ohio that Chrissy Hydne of the Pretenders had a friends of and was going to help out, but no one knew anything. But Bowie was interested in possibly producing their debut album. And suddenly these guys come running out in yellow rain slickers and take the stage and it's Devo Oh, the first show of Devo and you know, just to see, I went on YouTube, did a search.
Sure enough, somebody had put a tap in the mixing board and ran one of those old black and white reel, reel VTRs, and it's there
Phil Proctor: [00:20:14] Forward into the past.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:20:16] Going back to those times, David, when we spoke every week on the phone with the campaign reports. I remember you talking about how Papoon was at a nude beach with a Brown paper bag over his head because he didn't want, he was otherwise naked and had a Brown paper bag on his head because he didn't want to fall into the cult of personality.
David Ossman: [00:20:35] Real reason that he had that bag over his head at the beginning is because he didn't. Want anybody to know who he was so he wouldn't be assassinated. Since the killing presidents at that time, I saw was originally kind of a disguise. And the way we played it, um, was that everybody could be Papoon.
Everyone could run for president. And the, the anchor was George tire biter, who was running for vice president and vice president with all the jokes attended on vic e, and he was having this affair. And all of this was in, uh, a Crawdaddy magazine on a monthly basis. We covered this, right? Two years. Three years almost.
That's right. In Crawdaddy. It's a whole long story. Yeah. Yeah.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:21:25] And they were running as part of the surrealist party. If I, if I remember
David Ossman: [00:21:29] well, that was the original, that was the original, uh, notion in there was the simple notion. It got complicated because people came and people who thought they were the firesig e theater, as sometimes our fans did and do, uh, came in and altered a simple, a surrealist party, natural N a.
T apostrophe, natural surrealist party to national, to a national people's party. I mean, it was really very destructive. Uh, and, and, but that's what happens when you let people in. And on that particular. Uh, cam Poon. We had representatives in, you know, like 25 States. There was a magazine published every month, either the cartoon, I mean, people did a huge amount of work and I always considered it to be a, a public.
Performance. Yeah.
Phil Proctor: [00:22:29] It was a populist movement. And we embraced it because, you know, uh, eh, we, we loved our fans, uh, as, as crazy as some of them were. Uh, you know, and, and we didn't embrace where we go. But also, part of the platform that the Papoonran on was in franchising, insects, animals, and one celled organisms.
That's one organism, one vote, one organism, one vote.
David Ossman: [00:22:55] Now, here's the problem though, Phillip. When we want it, one man, one channel, let's say one person, one channel. Well, YouTube, you see what I mean? I mean, everybody's got their channel now. We were right, but is it, was it a good idea? Would you run on that?
You know,
Phil Proctor: [00:23:13] listen, if a voter goes into the booth at the upcoming election and sneezes on his touch screen, that's probably a trillion votes for papoon right there. One and a half million writes, you know, is he's bound to win. Even though if elected, he will not serve. Right?
David Ossman: [00:23:35] Well, that's what tirebiter said. Yes. Going back to your original point about the nude beach, however, um,
Phil Proctor: [00:23:42] why not?
David Ossman: [00:23:43] Yes, he did. This was Santa Barbara, the famous nude beach in Santa Barbara, where when the train passed by, it leaned heavily to the right. People rushed to the window to see what they could see. So we, we had, we got a volunteer, you know, if different people played Papoon all the time.
And uh, so we got a volunteer and he was willing to put a paper bag over his head and go down to the beach and, and solicit votes. It was all incredibly innocent. And I'd love to publish the pictures from this, but I can't get them on Facebook because they contain penises. So you really want to back away.
Phil Proctor: [00:24:23] It violates community standards. Yeah. Right. I guess that's their catch phrase.
Yeah.
David Ossman: [00:24:29] It got into the Santa Barbara newspaper. Uh, it was, it, you know, it, it made, it made news. I mean, we got into, uh, a Screw Magazine. I mean, I'm not kidding. And from the New Yorker to screw, that's how big fatty six was. They had, yeah, yeah.
They published a picture of campoon being, you know, being, uh, attacked by a young woman.
Phil Proctor: [00:24:53] It was promotional to the extent that, uh, it brought more confused people to the Firesign theater. Right?
David Ossman: [00:25:02] Yes. I think at that point we were basically dealing with our, um. With our essential fans who are now in their sixties, um, with our cohort of wonderful people.
Uh, some of who really have been with us since before the beginning. I'm thinking now of Edgar Bullington, which reminds me, Edgar contributed his firesign archive to us, to the library of Congress. And two years ago, that was the big, uh, event that happened in our lives, is that the library of Congress after three or four years of going back to them and going back to them, acquired the firesigns archive, which amounted to an at my end, 26 boxes of paper and tape and at your end and entire storage area archive. That's right. So when it comes down to, you're talking about. YouTube, preserving memories and all of that.
Uh, it's an it, this is, this is a very important archive of gorilla theater, of a futurist, thought of comedy, of reactions, instant reactions to news events. I mean, they've got all of Bergman's. Uh, radio free Oz. I mean, it's, I don't know how many dozens and dozens of hours that are essentially news and comment.
Very, very important stuff. And so that's, you know, I, that, that archive, I really think. Represents our era in American entertainment the best. Just like they've got, you know, they've got Bob Hoax and that his era best to
Phil Proctor: [00:26:44] this is at the library of Congress. They have a whole vaudeville exhibit and Firestone theater is now part of that. But, but you reminded me also, uh, David of that particular time that we were doing it. Now. Ted and I, Ted Bonnitt, who's my partner and our producer of this show. Uh, we recorded a couple of things at KPFK. Okay. And then in that wonderful new studio that they built, that we raised, helped to raise money for doing the camPoon Papoon for president, uh, movie doing, uh, the Martian Space Party.
Martian space party.
David Ossman: [00:27:24] There were about 200 people there, I think, and it was covered. We had a CBS truck recording from outside. We had three cam three camera shoot that we made a documentary of it that that film Marshall space party shows us at our. Glorious, 1972 best. We are beautiful. We are beautifully dressed.
We're at the top of the seventies man, because we were a f**king rock band. We were a rock band, and that's what we look like and it's amazing, you know? And I love that movie because it shows us like no other way. We can be seen, you know? Good time. It was a great, it was really a good time. And here's the thing, do anybody out there who is considering a career in show business when it all falls apart, get up, figure out what you're going to do and do it because it's all gonna fall apart over and over and over again.
The Firesign Theatre, I can't tell you how many times the firesign theatre fell apart, but when we got back together again, it was just like it had been.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:28:35] You're listening to Phil and Ted's Sexy Boomer show with our special guest, David Ossman. We'll be right back.
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A E Guy: [00:29:48] You're listening to Phil and Ted's Sexy Boomer Show with your host, Phil Proctor and Ted Bonnitt and there a special guest, David Ossman of the Firesign field.
Phil Proctor: [00:29:59] I think we're all bozos in this bus was our fourth album. Is that correct? Yep. Waiting for the electrician or someone like him. Everything you know is wrong. And Nick danger third, I don't crush that dwarf and hand me the pliars. Family, the pliers, and I think we're all bozos on this bus. And the theme of that was the computer revolution.
Okay. And the thing that makes me the happiest about it is I have my iPhone here, and I'm going to get Siri. And my character, Clem, uh, was a, uh, disenfranchised worker. He'd been laid off and he goes into this future fair, which is run by, you know, a whole computerized system. And he plants a virus. He hacks into the mainframe computer, doctor memory, direct readout, memory plants a virus.
And brings the whole illusion of this wonderful world. The government is selling people in this Disneyland down to earth. Now I'm going to ask Siri something. See what happens. This is worker speaking.
Siri: [00:30:58] Hello, Ah Clem. What function can I perform for you? LOL!
Phil Proctor: [00:31:04] That was the phrase that our character, my character used to break into the main frame computer. This is workers speaking. Hello, hello worker. What can I do for you? And, and, uh, it's, it's, it shows up on the iPhone because when David and I were both, both did voices to a bug's life, uh, there was a cast and crew party somewhere.
And I met Steve Jobs. He had just bought into the company and to Pixar to, to, you know, to put his, his computer knowledge into the development of their animated films. And I met him and he said, Hey, I'm a big fan. I thought, well, that's, that's really nice. Well, when we were going through our archives. Uh, uh, and pictures and things.
Our archivist Taylor found a contact sheet of an appearance that we did David up in Berkeley at signing records at a record store. And there's a picture of us with this guy, this tall kind of dark guy with long hair and a goatee with his arms around us. It's Steve Jobs, the young Steve Jobs. You really was a fan and because he was inspired by our album to kind of, you know, carry on with his, his computer work.
He put this into a Siri as, as a what? An Easter egg, I guess you call it. I an homage to the Firesign theater. I think it's just wild.
David Ossman: [00:32:30] That wouldn't have happened at the beginning. That if it, if I think you should tell the story of where we were when we found the language to speak to the computer.
Phil Proctor: [00:32:40] Oh, well, yeah, they used to have, they still do, but not as often, uh, work fairs, which were, uh, opportunities for people to go in and, and talk to different recruiters in different lines of work, uh, and see what they might be interested in.
And one of the very, very first interactive computer programs called the Eliza program was being demonstrated, uh, in, at one of these fairs that I happened to visit. And there was a computer, uh, that you could interact with. You had to type it, and then they would type back an answer. And the, the concept was, uh, a, a psychiatrist.
So you were talking to a psychiatrist, which was really a program and a computer, and it would, you know, type back, well, how do you feel about that? And stuff like that. And all of these things came out of one of the, these yellow paper. Uh, rolls with perforated, uh, tabs on the sides and went into a big barrel, a big, uh, cardboard barrel.
And I, I dove in and I pulled out reams and reams of this stuff and took it back to the firesign for a writing session. And we had not only the, the, the, the language of the, you know, the people speaking to the machine, the machine speaking back, but also the code was printed out like Mack Nam and various other things, which is in the album as well.
And it was tremendously inspirational to us and became really enticement to do a computer based story.
David Ossman: [00:34:22] It was invaluable material that we had right from the very, very beginning. The idea of hacking a computer would not have occurred to us unless we were writing a story in which a computer, I mean, we wouldn't have thought it up out of nowhere.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:34:39] I hear this all the time. My dad turned me on to this group called Firesign theater. I heard this just as recently as last week. My friend of mine's 21 year old daughter has a boyfriend who came over and said, geez, my dad, I'm almost thinking of Peter's voice now, but you know, a Porgy , gee, my dad turned me onto this comedy group, but he said, you have to kind of listen to it when you're high.
And my friend said, Oh, would that be Firesign theater?
Phil Proctor: [00:35:06] Well, we designed all those albums to be listened to over and over and over and over again timely. Now, I don't want you to think tiny, tiny bubble. The stuff that we did, Dave, uh, uh, has new meaning now because. You know, the longer that you live, and the more that happens in history, the more it reflects on the ideas that we were presenting, which are evergreen ideas about society and one's relationship to it, and how to survive and how to develop what a sense of humor means to your life.
I mean, all kinds of, of eternal themes. And, and it does, it resonates in a different way when you listen to it today, which is amazing to me.
David Ossman: [00:35:49] It has survived. And that has been very important to us as artists, uh, that our work and, uh, and a lot of it books and albums and hours and hours and hours of radio and film, uh, we are not just a three, a f]three record act.
This has been going on and continues to go on. To this day, whether or not Phil and I are writing, we're writing. I wrote two novels. One was because I wanted to live in the Hollywood of 1945 and recreate the world that George tirebiter grew up in, and I knew, I knew. No, you know, so many factoids, and that's the Ronald Reagan murder case in which in which either Ronald Reagan or his double is killed.
We're not sure.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:36:41] Speaking of which is vice president candidate George tire biter available to speak to the American public to calm them as they're hunkered in dreading the virus.
David Ossman: [00:36:50] I'll check just a bit.
Phil Proctor: [00:36:53] He's been living downstairs, but I don't know if there's room for him in the cabin there. Yeah. Wait a minute.
Hello? Hello? Hello George.
David Ossman: [00:37:04] This must be a microphone. Yes, you are. Who are you at?
Phil Proctor: [00:37:08] Do you want to tell him.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:37:10] Hello, mr. Tirebiter. This is Ted Bonnitt and Phil Proctor.
David Ossman: [00:37:15] Ted Bonnitt, Ted Bonnitt. I have met you, Phil Proctor. We've done some work together, as I recall back in my career. I thank you. Yeah, well, you sound who could, who could forget you?
I'm sorry. Yet.
Phil Proctor: [00:37:33] George, I saw one of your movies on TCM the other day. Yes, babe. Babes In khaki. I show.
David Ossman: [00:37:42] I show love that it was, we had Technicolor tanks and chorus girls remember, uh, bringing the war back home. We're bringing the war back home. I remember that song saying that she was a great star, and actually I hated her, but she was my ex wife.
She was a lothesome woman, but I've started to bring that up. Yeah, very painful.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:38:12] Mr. Tire biter, you're running for vice president this year?
David Ossman: [00:38:15] Well, I would if I were younger, if I were in my 70's, you see, I'd be running for everything. Since everybody is so ancient that is running for office is they're either 13 or they're star75 I don't understand it.
Where. Where are the, where's the 40 year old candidate with, you've got a nice mustache or something, you know? Alright. No, I believe there was a time when this whole campaign started. There were 22 candidates for democratic president. Am I right? Yeah. 22. Yeah. Well, if they informed the government at that moment and said, okay, you clever guy, you know all about medicine, you're the secretary of medicine and you know, let's make this a cooperative presidency here.
That's what should have happened. Now we're down to the. No, wait. Ah, forget it. It's going to be, it's going to be Joe. There we are. And now so, but the question that you came up with was, who's going to be vice president? And I think I would have made a very good candidate some 50 years ago because I would have not lived in Washington DC.
I would have continued my life as a Hollywood star. People would have have admired me on the screen and they would think highly of Hollywood, I believe, because I represented them. I was having a terrible affair. I don't know, maybe, maybe I, maybe I, maybe it wasn't what I should even know,
Phil Proctor: [00:39:53] George, if, if there, if there had been reality television when you were a star. Yeah. Then. What could have made a show about your horrible relationship and your divorce and everything, and you might've become president.
David Ossman: [00:40:08] Oh my goodness. Is that what it took? That's all it takes. Well, I appreciate your, your concern for me, since I am approaching a hundred now, but my, my old friend Norman. Corwin, uh, surpassed my age. I believe that he, he lasted until he was 102. And, uh, so I have my goals and, uh, right now I would just cheer on everyone to vote. Not insane in this election. Not insane.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:40:45] Mr. Tirebiter. I think that your vitality represents the best of the democratic party today. I don't see that you're out of sorts or too old at all. I think you're fitting right in. Well, with all the wisdom and time you've had to look and assess the world and try to change it for the better. What would you say to the world now to comfort them?
David Ossman: [00:41:06] What would I say to comfort them? Well, I believe in, I think the most comforting possible word that you could say is love.
And I would extend that love as a prayer across the entire world at this time. And I would wish that everyone stay with their own minds. Meditate. Think not about the pain in the world, but about the health of the world and about the world as it will be when we are not going to be terrified every moment.
And I, and I, and so I sent my prayers out to all of you, and I am praying for you now.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:41:58] Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Tirebiter.
Phil Proctor: [00:42:00] I think it's a beautiful point to end on. I think Ted. And to comfort myself. George, I'm going to go have a sip of Southern comfort.
David Ossman: [00:42:09] I think that's a very good idea, Mr. Bonnitt, I appreciate your getting me sort of out of bed to do this, but uh,
Ted Bonnitt: [00:42:19] My pleasure. What'd you come back and join us? I think we need these kinds of messages.
David Ossman: [00:42:23] I will be happy to appear again anytime. You'd be like, Oh, I have to say goodbye now.
Phil Proctor: [00:42:32] Have a nice nap.
David Ossman: [00:42:33] Wow that George, he's still an amazing guy to me.
Phil Proctor: [00:42:37] Thank you for taking care of him. I know he needs a, he needs a little ago caretaking right now, and he does a little bit.
Yeah. Well this has been wonderful, and they go upstairs and put on a mask and watch television.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:42:51] David Ossman, thank you so much for coming to the sexy boomer show. Will you come back please? I will be glad to. Thanks Ted and Phil. We got lots to say as the years go on. Oh yeah. All right.
Phil Proctor: [00:43:05] Love you.
David Ossman: [00:43:05] Love you too.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:43:07] That was wonderful.
Phil Proctor: [00:43:08] It was great to be able to connect with David again. Uh, you know, when, uh, the, our, our archives are purchased by the library of Congress a couple of years ago. They also invited us to perform, uh, in, uh, Washington D C at the theater that is in actually in the library of Congress building.
And we put together a show based on an earlier Firesign theater show called the history of the art of radio. And we performed it to a very enthusiastic audience. And that show, uh, we have done in various other venues over the ensuing years. So in one way, the Firesign theater is still doing things and still writing material that changes every time that we, uh, we returned to it and put it up on its feet.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:43:56] As we feature little tasty morsels from the firesign on this show, please look for it online.
Phil Proctor: [00:44:03] There's just so much to enjoy and it really is remarkably relevant after all these decades.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:44:08] Thank you, Phil, for all that output
Phil Proctor: [00:44:11] and thank you, Ted, for your historical connection to us and your insight as to what's been going on in this industry of audio that we, we dedicated so much of our lives to.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:44:25] Well, let's keep doing it. Let's have another show. I know, and I think this bunker arrangement works pretty well, and I miss seeing you in person.
Phil Proctor: [00:44:32] I feel safe.
Ted Bonnitt: [00:44:34] Yeah, it's safe to stay away from each other right now.
David Ossman: [00:44:36] I'm going to sterilize my microphone. Now
Ted Bonnitt: [00:44:39] you've been listening to the Phil and Ted. Sexy boomer show.
Thank you so much for joining us. We'll be back soon. Phil, until next time
Phil Proctor: [00:44:46] Bye!
A E Guy: [00:44:47] You've been listening to Phil and Ted, sexy boomer show, featuring Phil Proctor and Ted Bonnitt with special guest David Ossman. Beat the Reaper. Ben blends all day. Matinee and art snob were written and performed by the Foresign Theatre. Music by Eddie Baytos and the Nervis brothers. I'm A. Earnest Guy.
Join us for the next episode of Phil and Ted's Sexy Boomer Show produced by radiopictures.com the makers of fine podcasts for boomers. Okay.
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